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Sunday 15th February 1998

Rock | Sock | Subway Guide Review | Strange Mix Award | Competition

ROCK:

* Sugar swizzle sticks - a stick of sugar. You swizzle your coffee with it. The stick dissolves in a controlled fashion: voila! Coffee with one sugar. "What's wrong with sugarcubes?" you cry? Sticks are cooler. And the Sugarcubes were a strange Icelandic pop band who besides having Bjork, had a very weird male vocalist who was prone to singing things like "Mary and Jesus, babies and nappies" over most of their tracks. This is true.

* Futons are remarkable: It's a bed! It's a comfy chair! It's a very thick carpet! Fall over on it, roll around a bit, and you're in bed. Alternatively, if you're lying on it, simply stand up and presto: you are "up". An indispensable aid to daily living! (But be warned: Futon (TM) is not a toy.)

* Free coffee refills: Tokyo's way of saying, "Come on, then! You can't be tired yet! Come on! Keep going! Yeah!" Well, it's worked so far.

* The Sugarcubes. I know I was just slagging them off, but actually I quite like the album of theirs I own. They've got this *great* male vocalist who's prone to...

* Tokyu Hands is a store in Ikebukuro where you can buy... well, actually it would probably be quicker to list the things you *can't* buy; er, hang on... um... ah, yes: automatic weapons, I didn't see any of those. That would be Tokyu Arms, then. A-ha! Ha! Haha! HA! etc.

Some things are both SUCK and ROCK - I'll call them...

SOCK

* I can't personalise my answerphone message.
* I have a Japanese answerphone message - how cool!

* At certain stations on one of the lines out of Tokyo, they play a synth version of Moon River to herald approaching trains. This is, I think, quite unintentionally hilarious.
* I cannot stop humming Moon River all day after hearing it. It sticks like nothing else, even that damn Hanson song. This is, I'm sure, less than hilarious.

Book Reviews

A quick book review now, of a splendid little number I picked up on the subway the other day. Snappily titled the "Metro Expert's Transfer Guide", it gives details of all major subway line junctions. When I say details, I mean they tell you exactly which carriage you need to be in for any transfer between two subway lines. Say I was travelling to Asakusa on the Ginza line, it tells me that I would need to be in the front carriage to get out right opposite the steps for the Tobu line. If I wanted the Toei-Asakusa line, then obviously I'd want the 3rd carriage from the back.

It also gives transfer times between lines; Yurakucho Line to Namboku Line at Nagatcho? That'll be a seven minute walk, mate. Don't want to rely on the signs when you arrive? Simply turn to the handy 3D map section at the back, detailing the staircases, escalators, concourses and corridors that link the platforms of 21 major transfer stations - this thing is a work of art.

One thing it doesn't specify is where to get off for station exits; this would have been useful last Sunday, when by the time we had walked to the end of the platform for the exit we wanted, the next train had arrived. Either the platforms are very long here, or the trains are very frequent; the walk took us two and a half minutes, so judge for yourselves, if you have nothing better to do (although I'm not for a second suggesting that you don't). Nor does it tell you which *doors* on each carriage to use - maybe in the revised edition later in the year...

At the bottom of each page is the following disclaimer: "Color-coded car gives you the approximate transfer boarding position. Please board the less-crowded cars." 'Approximate'? Rubbish. You and I and everyone else know full well that the tubes here stop religiously at the same point time after time; any feeble plea trying to reassure me that being one carriage further away from the action isn't going to slow me down is going to fall on deaf ears. If carriage three is what it says in the book, then that's where I'm going to be - the subway is destined to be a victim of this thing's success.

Strange Mix Award of the Week

In a club last night; they went from that one which sounds like it goes:

"DJ innovator when it comes to the scratch, thatsa my style, thatsa my style,"

to Queen's "We Will Rock You"

to Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer"

Needless to say, I danced to all three - I think. I might have drawn the line at Bon Jovi, but I don't fully recall. I'm afraid I was very, very drunk. Don't remember much. I do remember Vodka, and falling asleep on the train on the way home at 7 in the morning, but that's a different story altogether...

Competition!

Following the massive success (bear with me, okay?) of last week's effort, today's question is:

How many free advertising postcards did I walk away from the club with last night?

Please bear in mind when doing your calculations that I was more shedded than a broken and rusty lawnmower. Every family has one.

Right, that's your lot; hope everything is well wherever you guys are, and do stay in touch. More news when I can afford to log on again (September perhaps).

Chris

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