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This is NOT episode 12
Wednesday 18th February 1998
Arcades | Fridge Report
| Elevator Music | Japlish
Hi there everybody; ready for another zany burst of a life gone
mad in a city gone crazy? Yes? Good. But first I'm going to subject
you to Tokyo Tales #7...
Arcades
I do get out and meet people, honestly, I swear I'm not fabricating
the stuff about clubs and whatnot. I also, though, spend a fair
bit of time in the odd (very odd) video arcade. It helps me relax;
pretending to shoot people, pretending to fly planes, pretending
to drive fast cars, pretending to drive commuter trains...
I'm serious. They exist. The Commuter Train Driver simulator.
You have to stop the train so that the doors line up exactly with
the lines painted on the platform, so your virtual passengers
can barge their way uncerimoniously onto your vehicle with the
minimum of fuss. It isn't even presented in a wacky or fun way
- you just get a forward view out of the driver's window. There
might be the odd corner to slow down for, but basically I think
that's it. No gun-toting terrorists. No racing other evil train
drivers (for they do exist) through tunnels at breakneck speed.
Some lovely realtime video of the actual trains themselves though,
for the "enthusiast" among you.
What if the alarmists are right, and arcade games do have a
detrimental effect on impressionable youths? Could Tokyo see a
wave of hijackings, as disaffected teenagers get high on old Saikyo
Line timetables and assault drivers on the 16:35 to Ebisu? Probably
not; it seems so far to be only middle-aged salarymen who play
this one - the kids are busy beating the crapola out of each other
on Tekken 3 or Street Fighter 78. I feel safer already.
Next week in this spot: Think of the sport least likely to be
made into a big-screen arcade game. Got it? Okay? Right, next
time I'll tell you about the Sega Bass Fishing game. You lucky
dogs.
Fridge Report
To give you a further glimpse into a bachelor life in the suburbs
of Tokyo, I plan to open something far more revealing than my
mere soul and my emotions to you over the next few weeks - my
fridge.
Think of it as a soap opera of sorts (although I hasten to add
that I don't currently keep any soap in my fridge - but stay tuned
for developments) with characters that I hope you'll come to know
and love. The actors may change from week to week, but the roles
should remain the same, a bit like Lucy, or the early Jason part,
in Neighbours.
This week - meet the family
* 1 litre carton of Orange Juice
* An 8-slice loaf of bread (currently contains 5 slices)
* A pot of grapes-suspended-in-a-kind-of-jelly-thing which I
bought about five weeks ago, mistakenly thinking it was in juice
rather than jelly. Haven't had the heart to throw it away yet.
* A pack of Danish cold ham (empty, but it serves as a reminder).
* A tub of "butter" - stay tuned for important plot developments;
is it Butter? Or his evil twin, Marge? I can tell this is going
to be fun already. For me, at least.
Walking through Daiei, a department store
in Omiya, the other day. They play the equivalent of elevator
music immediately around the escalators on each floor, just like
a lot of other places. The difference here is the "music". Electronic
synth orchestra versions of popular Duran Duran hits.
* The Reflex (an obvious choice)
* Please Please Tell Me Now (I don't know if that's actually the
title or not - I'm no expert.)
* Rio (actually improved on the original)
Also picked out something that could have been the Beatle's
"She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah", could have been "Wild Boys". Further
investigation would have been hazardous to my mental health, so
I legged it.
Japlish du Jour
(as seen on a coffee vending machine)
Keep Loving New Pot House
(alright then; will do.)
This episode has been brought to you by the stimulants "caffeine"
and "more caffeine".
Chris
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