Tokyo Tales - Since 1998

Sunday 14th June 1998

Since 1998! | Tax | What's in a name? | Competition | Japlish

Tokyo Tales returns, triumphant, from a self-imposed exile in the literary desert that is known as "Not having anything funny to write about Land". Hurrah. Just when I thought I'd run out of things to write about, I realised that I had, in fact, run out of things to write about! So *that's* what it was! But never fear; three weeks of just getting on with my life has, again, assured me of the strangeness of life in a country where no mobile phone is complete without a miniature Hallo Kitty alpine bell attached to the aerial.

You know, in case a six-inch-tall skier goes past whilst you're sat on the train.

Since 1998!

Something that shops and businesses in Japan have in common with the rest of the civilised world is the "Since 1892" signs on shop fronts, or as part of logos. With, as you may have guessed, one major difference. In Japan, it is more likely that you will see a sign saying "Since 1992" than 1892. I've been looking for these recently, and the nearest I've found has been a "Since 1996" on a clothes shop in Harajuku. Which is fair enough, really, since the kind of people who buy their clothes there aren't old enough to remember much earlier than that anyway. The oldest I saw was a restaurant that had been going for the frankly tenacious period of 22 years - since 1976. But then, what do you expect from a country where Tokyo's biggest and most splendid shrine was constructed in the 1600's and then completely rebuilt in 1953?

Tokyo Tales - Serving The International Community Since 1998...

Tax

What do I have in common with the Rolling Stones?

I don't know when to stop either? A ha ha ha, possibly correct, but not the answer on the card. It would appear that, since March, even if I return to the UK after spending an entire tax year over here, I'll be liable to UK tax of several thousand percent on my yen earnings. This is a very different story from the situation when I came over here, at which point I believed that I'd only have to worry about the Japanese tax of 6 per cent, and the Inland Revenue could get lost.

The solution? Have an ugly row with the four constituent members of my increasingly-fractured personality, cancel all my UK tour dates, and start a slanging match with New Labour, who are starting to look A Little Stale Around The Edges Labour from where I'm sitting.

I'm currently in consultation with my team of accountants (i.e. my Dad)to determine what's best. My bet would be, schedule extra dates in France, and release a recently-recorded live concert CD in the UK as soon as possible. This may or may not help.

What's in a name?

The Japanese place great store in the significance of names; the actual pronounced name can be written in a variety of ways, due to the fact that different Chinese characters, called kanji, can have the same pronunciation but different meaning. Hence two people with the same name (lets call them Michiko and Michiko) can use different characters with different meanings (e.g. "beautiful flower", and, er, "slightly mouldy attache case", or something).

Even so, I find it hard to understand how the parents of one of the boys in a class of mine can have decided to call him "Shingo" - check a dictionary; Shingo means traffic lights. Hmmm.

Competition

I realise it's been so long since the last competition that you've probably forgotten what the question was and, indeed, whether or not you entered. Well, rest assured that we at Tokyo Tales are far too organised to let a little thing like total disorganisation stop you guys enjoying a fun competition once in a while - yes sirree.

I wanted to know what you thought the soundtrack to that whiskey advert was, remember? No? Trust me. I value your input on these matters, really. It acts as a kind of check to make sure I'm not the only one who thinks that it's all a little bit weird.

So, anyway, the correct answer was "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba.

That's right; those anarchic, squatting, reluctant anti-heroes (that's what their press release says, anyway) of the British Music Industry (TM) (whose idea of anarchy goes about as far as throwing a bucket of water over cabinet ministers who have annoyed them recently - yeah, fight the system) are helping sell extremely expensive bottles of Japanese whiskey-flavoured water. With a majestic brown bear and some salmon.

So, as for a winner... well, you're all winners in your own way, I want you to know that. Everybody's special, kids, even those of you who are about to graduate and move on to spirit-sapping, karma-constraining, character-crushing jobs in the real world. But today, some of you are more special than others. (And indeed, than otters, which is what I typed originally there. Let's face it, they are fairly mundane creatures. You built a house? Yourself? Out of sticks? Whoop-dee-bloody-doo. Or is that beavers?)

Here is a selection of answers:

O Fortuna, by Carl Orff (I think - Simon wasn't entirely sure what it was called)

Stairway to Heaven, by, er, Rolf Harris. (You're right, Jo, the Led Zep cover version sucks)

"Something by the Bee Gees" (No, Greg. But it made me laugh anyway)

Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen (on the grounds that it contains so many musical styles that it must have been the closest answer - this smacks of actually trying to win, Mr.Farren; such tactics are frowned upon)

The Braveheart OST, presumably by Various Artists. (Too Scottish, and therefore was never going to be correct. Bad luck, Will)

Addicted to Love, by Robert Palmer (No, Phil, but I see the link - Addicted to Fish? Addicted to Whiskey? On second thoughts; no, I don't.)

Firestarter, by Prodigy (pretty close, actually, Alex - winning two competitions in a row is against the rules, though. Says me.)

"The music from that tampon advert" (presumably It's My Life, by Dr. Alban, the famous Belgian dentist rap artist. I'm not kidding. Had the bear been on rollerblades, Andrew, then you would have won.)

AND THE WINNER IS! CAROLYN! (Barbie Girl, by Aqua)

HURRAH! I'll send you something eventually, I promise. Thanks to everyone for taking part. Now I can go home and think of the next question.

Japlish du Jour

(from a TV dinner pasta meal:)

Freshly cooked pasta is paired with chunky sauce
for quick cooking in a skillet. It will expand
a world of fancy pasta menu.

(I hardly think one pasta dish constitutes an expanding world of fancy pasta menu; that sauce was certainly chunky, though. I'm still picking the bits out of my teeth, two weeks later. Oh, and you don't need a skillet. A frying pan will do nicely.)

Regards, and good luck to those awaiting finals results. If you do badly, remember that jobs and capitalism are a self-deluding failure of a social mechanism that brings only misery in the long term. For those of you who get what you want - isn't money great?

Chris

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